TRIP REPORT
scores  |  photos

Greetings Football Fans from Vancouver to Salem,

Geelong Football Club of Seattle President Matt Muller here.  Due to a nasty incident I am unable to type email: I saw some shocking sights on the SPANKY'S Dancefloor Friday night which has resulted in a case of delayed retina detachment, but fortunately the good Lord allowed me to play until Sunday afternoon.

I am dictating this to my Vice - President to share some of the highlights of the GFCOS' entry into National Football:

Sadly, the only cups we returned with resided in Chris Fox's and Dave Jolly's shorts, but our heads are held high after a solid performance which saw us win three and lose one to the eventual premiers, Boston.

The trip started uneventfully despite coach Burridge's fear of flying and we arrived in Cincinnati ready to rumble. The function of Friday night would have been forgetable if not for the bizarre antics by some of the locals who seem to be trapped in a sort of 70s time bubble. I couldn't help but stare at the creature in the black dress and hence my current state of visual impairment.

After Friday's nights team meeting we were ready to face San Diego at 9am Saturday. The team captain (JT) was white as a ghost as he contemplated matching up against the Lion's ex-AFL star, but the mood before the game was confident.

Hitting the ground early we looked slick and when the siren sounded it was on and for young and old, which aptly describes our team. To the relief of everyone, the BIG JOB was handed to Owen "Rubberman" Dunne. The boys played superbly, with Dunney hosing their star who got about three kicks for the match, at least one of which was in the shins. The backline was superb, shutting down the San Diego kittens and allowing the forwards to warm up for kicking practice. Fundamental errors abounded early, with kicking into the man on the mark taking top spot. Coach Burridge was going postal on the sidelines and at times ten yards inside the playing arena. At this point GB received his first warning from the umpires, but not his last. Gerrard "Nip" Dunne was mistaken for a very small corpse by one of the Lion's who tried to bury him 6 feet under. Liam "Cuban" Dunne retaliated in the appropriate manner and when Sean "Puffy" Dunne raced on to replace Nip we suspected that carnage was to follow.

The team calmed down and at half time it was 1.4 to 1 goal and the game was in the balance. At the break Paul "Waterboy" Shallow attempted to subdue the coach with a roll of duct tape and some chloroform, but not before we learnt that we were a bunch of Nancyboys who belonged at daycare.

Rising to this challenge, we kicked ass in the second half. San Diego failed to score again, and if Andrew "the Ballard Ballerina" Donlen could have kicked straight, the score for Seattle would have much higher. At one point Ballet mistook some trees ten yards to the left of the small uprights as the goals and lobbed one out on the full from twelve yards out.

Sterling efforts from Shevy, Brian "QB" Perkins, Kent "Hoops" Channing, the runners Glenn "Garts" Gardner, Dave "Always" Jolly and Andrew "I'm Not A Litigator" Arnold, and the entire backline buried the Lions. Marc Karver came on in the second half with some good attacks on the ball. At the final siren the boys in Maroon were none too pleased, especially the female impersonator with the big mouth.

One and O, (??). In the words of Karen Carpenter - we'd only just begun.

Next stop Missouri. We kicked their asses too. They scored two points for the entire game and we started to find the big sticks, so to speak. Rubberman was now at CHF and pulled down some huge grabs, Ballet was pirouhetting in the forward line like a man one quarter of his weight, and everyone was putting in. Peter "On-the-Tit" James pulled off the smother of the tournament to save a certain goal. A marketing effort was required to convince the goal umpire of the significance of touching a ball before it crossed the line. Peter "Campo" Campion was mopping up nicely in the other pocket, and JT even got off his ass at full back and almost got above jogging speed to spoil his opponent. I personally, THE GODDAMNED President if you don't mind, got some unkind feedback for lairizing in the forward line, pulling in one-handers. "Mono" Muller was an uncalled for moniker, but turned out to be prophetic. Travis "I'm Not a Dunne" Platz put in some excellent work as another new recruit, and Nathan "Kato" Judson and Kim "Not the Oldest" Liddelow saw some late action. Unfortunately, Hoops did his ankle, and was gone for the rest of the tournament. But top effort for suiting up after a shoulder dislocation five weeks ago.

The day ended two and O. The big game loomed Sunday at 10 am : Boston Demons. Coach Burridge informed us that Saturday meant nothing, although what he and Shallow got up to must mean something.

We tried everything against the Demons but they were too good. Clay "Warrior" Atkins played his guts out in the ruck, Shev and Rubberman were everywhere, but we forgot some basics that the Coach had taught us in the previous weeks. Down three goals to one at half-time, we looked a chance when the excitement machine Donlen kicked our second goal, but Boston steadied and kicked three more. There is nothing more pathetic than seeing the captain thinking he knew how to ruck and running around like a headless chook. Sean "Puffy" Dunne played a solid game, and the two nerds, Schencker and Foxy, played seviceably. Schenck tried some rough stuff to the delight of the crowd, who were rooting for Seattle and "Nip" Dunne in particular. Foxy also got physical a few times during play. Coach Burridge was reported for his potty-mouth and the game slid from our grasp. This incident was even lower than "QB" Perkins headbutting JT in the chest which could have resulted in both brain damage and cardiac arrest for the two.

Two and One and out of finals contention.

Final game was against the hosts, Cincinnati. Kato, Not-The-Oldest, and Adam Gardner took the field, but we were spared seeing Shallow and Burridge pull on the boots. Cincinnati did not lie down, and we could have lost it. But the heart of the Seattle team grew like the amply watered vegetation behind our team canopy, and we held on to win by three points. Warrior Atkins rucked the whole game and completed an amazing effort for a guy who really has no clue about football. Ballet kicked three goals and talked about it for the next twelve hours. I kicked a absolute ripper of a goal but was removed in an ambulance after a clumsy tackle and was sent sirens blaring to hospital. One broken collarbone later, I am sitting at home on sick leave contemplating how we win the big one next year.

The day ended with GB, Paul "the Rat" Shallow and "I'm not a Litigator" Arnold facing the tribunal to explain the coach's out of character behavior. The club attorney prepared a great defence only to be torpedoed by The Rat dobbing in the Coach for some colorful language. GB finds himself on probation; not, I suspect, for the first time in his life.

Boston and Santa Cruz were tied at the end of regulation, and Boston kicked the solitary goal in overtime. Our hearts go out to the Roos who had to play an extra game Sunday since Boston effectively rested their entire team in their last match after beating us. There lies the key: we need depth to be a force.

We had a good tournament. It was a great effort: we can be proud of our efforts. Next year we'll do better. Thanks to all our sponsors: ESPECIALLY BOTTLEWORKS, but also Guinness, Conor Byrne, Edgecombe Realty, Ansett Worldwide, Mindspring and The Australian Pie Shop. And thanks to me - Matthew Muller. I'm a modest man, but I've done a huge job this year and you should all thank me a hundred times.

Well done boys.
Regards,
The Prez - Matthew Muller

SCORES
trip report  |  photos